Thursday, July 14, 2011

Girls: How would you describe me? Would you agree that I'm a bad guy?

I have recently lost my desire for "empty lust." I'm 20 years old. I have never had a relationship and I am still a virgin. Almost every night, I have dreams of being in love with a girl. Sometimes, its a girl I just met, other times a girl I used to have a crush on. At this point, I could have potentially lost my virginity already. But for some stupid reason, having sex with someone I don't care about doesn't excite me. I sometimes fool around with some girls, but only out of boredom. And then, I always have to stop myself from "getting too close." For example, I sometimes find myself waking up with a girl in my arms, CUDDLING. In those particular situations, I'm not into her, just desperate for some love in my life. In the moment, staying the night with her is better than another night alone in my bed. I feel as if what I'm doing is actually worse than just tasteless lust because at least girls would know that its going to be just a one-night thing. For me, I treat them as if I want to have a relationship--as if I truly care for them--and then just ditch them--messing with their emotions.

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